Marathoners Are Like Small Children

My friend Jennie is always in my corner cheering me on even when she doesn’t understand why I would do the crazy things I do. This Dopey Challenge business is just the latest thing she shakes her head about but offers her support.

Jennie and I were talking one day about how one’s life changes while they are training for a marathon. I was describing a few things that are going on in my life during training and she said “You know, marathoners are a lot like small children.” As an aunt to a gaggle of nieces and nephews, she knows a thing or two about small children. And as we talked more about her comparison, we realized how true that statement really is.

I delved into the idea more and came up with a partial list of how marathon runners are like small children.

1.       1. We eat lots of soft foods. Like kids cutting teeth need to slurp on soft foods like applesauce, pudding, yogurt and bananas, so do marathoners need fuel sources that are easy to eat. Though most of us have our own teeth, when you’re on the 3^rd hour or so of a long run, you need to conserve all your energy for putting one foot in front of the other. Chewing is wasted effort. For that reason the running world has created all sorts of things for runners to eat while they are literally on the run. One of the most popular products on the market is called Gu. The product is exactly what it sounds like. This pudding-like substance makes up an entire food group for marathoners in training.

2.       2. We need to eat often. Much like babies need to eat every few hours, so do we. Instead of breast milk and formula, we tend to gorge ourselves on carbohydrates. When you burn through 2500 calories in one run, it’s necessary to fuel up often. During marathon training I can find myself doing one of four things at any point in the day: working, running, sleeping or eating. Sometimes I’ve woken up from sleeping just to eat. Often I’m eating while I’m working. And as you can see from the point above, I’m often eating while I’m running as well.

3.       3. We require early bedtimes. Anyone with a small child knows their life revolves around the sleeping patterns of said child. Late nights out are a thing of the past. Heck – even being out past the dinner hour is a foreign concept. Similarly, a marathoner in training schedules weekend activities around getting their long runs in and this means getting to bed at an early hour so we can wake up at oh-heck-no-o’clock the next morning for our run.

4.       4. We produce an obscene amount of laundry. Small children tend to be messy and are often in need of a wardrobe change. Marathoners tend to be smelly and are often in need of a wardrobe change.

5.      5.  We have a hard time with staircases. It’s cute when you see small children trying to tackle a staircase and have trouble because the stairs are too tall for their short little legs. It’s slightly less adorable to see runners struggle with stairs because of their tired, wobbly legs.

6.       6. We have to get new shoes every couple of months. Much to the lament of their parents, small children need to get new shoes every couple of months because they grow so fast. Much to the joy of running stores, marathoners have to replace their shoes every couple of months because they put so many miles on them in a short amount of time. A pair of running shoes should be replaced every 300-500 miles. For a marathoner in training, it doesn’t take very long to hit that mark. And we don’t even have the option of the fun light-up versions.

7.       6. We get cranky when things don’t go our way. Conjure up an image of a toddler having a meltdown because he didn’t get the color crayon he wanted to use. You now have a vague idea of how a marathoner behaves if a race course is mismarked, there isn’t enough water at an aide station or they missed running their goal time. We can be a cranky bunch, but it’s probably because we need more sleep. Which brings me to…

8.       7. We need our naps. Getting up before dawn. Running for hours. Cramming our workouts into already busy days. These things tire us out much like the rigors of preschool can tire out a spunky child. Therefore it is in everyone’s best interest if we nap. Unlike the small child, we won’t fight it when it is suggested.

Marathoners might need the extra care that is usually reserved for small children but take heart, we can easily be made happy much like small children are - by dangling a shiny object in front of them.  Usually a finisher medal does the trick.