Theodore Roosevelt said that comparison is the thief of joy. I have heard this phrase many times of course. I always assumed that the comparison referred to was the comparing of yourself to someone else. Maybe that is what Teddy meant. Maybe not. What I have discovered in my recent training is that comparison is also the thief of joy when the comparing you're doing is between reality and your expectations.
Training has been going well lately. I've actually been looking forward to my runs, even though it requires me to wake well before dawn. I'm ready to start my day with a nice lung-clearing run. I've reached the point where a 5-mile run is nothing and is considered "short". In addition to all that, I've been feeling good on my runs.
But despite all this, I find myself rather disappointed.
Because despite all the work I've been doing and how good I feel and how much distance I can add, I'm not getting faster. For the last year I've been in "comeback" mode. I've been coming back from injury, from illness and from major abdominal surgery. As much as I see progress on many fronts, the clock won't budge much at all. And it's starting to get to me.
I know, I know...it shouldn't matter. The Dopey Challenge, after all, is about endurance, not speed. It's about time on your feet and the ability to go and go and go with little recovery. It shouldn't be about speed. But I know I'm capable of so much more. And I just can't get it out of myself.
I'll still be out there in the dark early morning stillness putting in my miles. I'll do it because I need to and because I can. I just hope someday soon I'll be happier with the numbers on my watch when I'm done.
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