Marathoner's Dictionary

When you spend an inordinate amount of your time doing something, you tend to find yourself with a vocabulary of words relevant to said endeavor. Some of these words or phrases may not be understood by people who aren't unnaturally preoccupied by your project. In fact, as shocking as this may be, they may not even be interested in your endeavor to the level that you are. I know - weird, right?

As such, the people in your life that are not embroiled in said crazy project might not even be interested enough in what you're constantly occasionally talking about to do research in order to figure out what you're saying. Marathoners in training hardly ever talk about their running, but in the off chance they do, you might be a little confused at some of their terminology. So as a public service, let me define some of the terms that you might hear when you're not tuning us out. Full disclosure: I may or may not have made some of these up myself.

Marathoner Dictionary

Long Run: An activity around which a runner's week revolves. This event takes precedence over sleep, social obligations, family time, cleaning and pretty much everything else. Said event normally occurs on the weekends but can vary based on the schedule of the runner. Preparation requires special food and the ritualized rubbing on of a greasy substance to prevent aggressive rubbing.

PRP: Pre-Run Poop. The all important bowel movement necessary before the long run. Often the runner in your life will get up an hour or more before their run in order to make several attempts at a meaningful attempt. Failure to achieve the PRP can result in disastrous consequences. See also: Pre-Race Poop. 

Runhole: A creature who, during training, tends to talk only about running related things, is unavailable to family and friends because they have a workout to get in, and just generally ignores life outside of running. 

Runger: The level of hunger that you attain when you spend so many hours of your day running. This is usually treated with large amounts of carbs. Or donuts. See also: Rungry.  

Running Math: The mental computations that must be made on the run in order to turn around in the appropriate location in order to get the exact prescribed mileage for the day. Note: due to the excessive amount of oxygen that must be diverted to the legs during a run, the brain is operating at a disadvantage and traditionally your running math is incorrect, putting you further away from your house or car than you wanted to be. 

Glide: Derived from the BodyGlide brand of products used to lube up a runner's body before long runs in order to prevent the uncomfortable, ever present danger of chafing.  Absence of glide is generally made evident by screams coming from the shower. 

Roll Out: Activity during which the runner positions his or her body on a cyclindrical piece of foam or plastic and slides sore muscles back and forth over said device, eliciting screams and curse words. Despite the looks of it being to the contrary, the runner assures you it is a good thing they are doing.

Calf Guns:  Calves that are shapely and hard as a rock. Generally accompanied by arms that are about as well defined as a wet noodle. (Or is that just me?) Note: these are often an impediment to female runners finding a cute pair of knee-high boots that fit over said guns. (Again, just me?)

Digestive Issues:  The blanket term that refers to things that happen to a marathoner in training after a particularly rough run. It's best not to ask for details. 

On that note, I think that's a good place to stop. I hope this mini dictionary is helpful for you as you attempt to better understand your runner.